Hope

This is one of my favorite songs: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYkduZCHRP8

It holds something for me. 

This isn't permanent, I'll work through all of it. More things will come, more steps and missteps. I can't go back even if I wanted to, and I'm not done being tested in life. 

There's hope, and that's what I'll cling to. 

" A fronte praecipitium, A tergo lupi. "  

Recovery #2

Recovery is going well.

I started playing the Viola.

I started writing.

Physio still isn't allowing me to draw. probably won't start learning how to draw again until December.

Brain scans have been delayed until august.

Have a meeting on Thursday to determine the extent of the mental damage.

and here's a short I wrote, forgive the terrible editing and the run on sentences, but writing is fun, and I guess I'll post my first work here.


Memory Loss.

Let me tell you something about memory loss. It's not glamorous, it's not something to be idalized. Amnesia itself is a cruel bitch at best.

It's not so bad for you as it is for those around you.

Imagine, if you will, a spinning record, skipping over the same section of audio. skip-skip-skip, unaware of itself but still spinning.

To you? An interesting thought appears, or a thought to add into a conversation, a new song you've heard to share.

To those around you?  You've said it before, three, four, five times, in fact.

This happens so much so that it's apparent on the faces of those around you, friends, family, loved ones, strained smiles that never quite reach the eyes, the faint look of impatience giving way to disdain.

You look back in your mind, and there's nothing there, nothing but a void where there should be something, some form of happiness, sadness, even hate or despair, but there's nothing, no recollection.

Each memory comes from someone or somewhere else.  Shattered pieces of thought collected from journals, visual clues, it's all there, yes, it has to be, but there's something else, something missing, something vital. 

There are no outward signs, of course not, why would there be? There's only the empty recollection. A constant, blackout static where memory should be and only that, Indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.

Here's the bitch. Recovery from such a thing isn't a linear path. You take two steps forward and then leap way the fuck back in a few days. An erratic pattern of unmeasurable imposed ignorance.

skip-skip-skip

"What's written in that journal? It has yesterdays date on it, is that my handwriting? What happened yesterday?"

skip-skip-skip

"What did I do this week? I didn't write anything down, though there are chat logs existing that prove I must have been doing something, but what?"

skip-skip-skip

"You've said this before."

skip-skip-skip

"We know."

skip-skip-skip

"Yeah, you've mentioned."

skip-skip-skip

Let me tell you something about memory loss...  

Recovery #1

I may go silent for awhile. 

I'm going to go home today, pack up all distractions, my playstation and all of that etc. Move the desk so I have place to draw and work. 

I need to take this confusion, grief and pain, take this and turn this into rage. Begin anew with a first step. 

I'll see you when I see you. 

Rebirth

So, this is still going. huh?

I think I'll start again.

My last update was 3...4 years ago. and a lot has changed since.

I now work as a professional architectural visualization artist, most of my work can be seen here.

https://www.artstation.com/artist/crumpety

Now that the banality is over, most recently. I was in a car crash, I have a retrograde amnesia and I have lost some motor function.

This has thrown back my abilities in 3d and drawing. and I have to begin again, mainly because I do not remember shit, there are gaps, islands in my memory both long term and short term,

Because I'm a stubborn bastard. (much to my detriment I might add)  I refuse to give up, and instead begin once more, I'll stick the pieces back together, or I'll begin the building blocks anew.


As things come along I will be posting my...reboot of sorts here, and begin once more.

-Francis

dasdf

More wips, etc.

New rule of thumb is i'm posting videos on vimeo to prevent blogspot from compressing my videos to the point where no one can see anything.

https://vimeo.com/59681387


And a wip.

Because I love you.

I lied.

Said I was going to take a break from projects. I didn't really, went back and worked some while I couldn't sleep.

Worked more on the camera smoothness and added some details, crit welcome as always.

Regards

Francis

Stroke of luck.

Yo, It's been awhile and A lot has happened in that short time.


By some stroke of massive luck and desperate prayer I managed to secure a new job at an architectural rendering company firm, this was a massive favor I think and a chance to prove myself, but the team is helpful and awesome, only problem is that i'm getting exhausted trying to learn as much as I can in the short time i have before I begin, this last week was exceptionally rough.

Here's something I did awhile back, it's still very rough, and it's mainly just placeholders, but I hope ya like it and any critique and advice is welcome.

See ya.

Regards

Francis

P.S. Used the song Sofa by caravan palace, all rights to them for audio etc.